Fucked Up Field Trips 2023 — Tarrant County Corrections (Jail)

Sam Cliff
10 min readJan 18, 2023

Did I learn my lesson the first time? That’s a NOPE.

Introduction to a Life of Victimless Crime

There’s a lot of fun to be had doing things “squares” think are totally against the rules and will end up with horrible consequences. In reality, here in North Texas, it’s kind of a modern lawlessness where if you try hard enough, well, you can probably get away with it. For years it was easy to buy thermite for target shooting off the shelf at Academy Sports and Outdoors.

Overall my life of crime revolves around drugs and high speed driving, unrelated. Basically it’s pretty socially acceptable to do about 80 in a 65 in the right vehicle, or be willing to take the gaps the traffic offers. The speed limit? It’s whatever the conditions determine and the likelihood to see cops on patrol. Fortunately they’re predictable in Fords or Fat-hoes.

Drugs are almost too easy to conceal and use cash or Venmo or whatever and call it “pizza” (ask Matt Gaetz!). Personally cash is king in all sorts of ways, whether flashing it or spending it right — change is for the tip jar y’all — it sends signals without talking. You don’t have to sign little people paperwork when you’re throwing down Big Pimp Bens or just cool.

Not Cool
Extremely Cool

Most of My Closest Friends Been Overnight Before, so My Turn?

I know the Chris Rock standup bit about being a good person and taking care of your kids and not going to jail. Yeah, well, I don’t let grown men slap me on live television, so there’s that. Most of my closest friends have spent at least one night in jail after being picked up for some violation or to sit out fines / a warrant. Not ever going to jail sounds cool until you decide “Hey maybe I could learn something” and decide to go Daniel and the Lions’ Den…

Hey Genius, You Put these Cuffs on, Not Me!

On December 5th I laughed in the face of four (4) Tarrant County Sherriff Deputies that I had called because of the hotel staff being…

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Sam Cliff

Gonzo School of Journalism, BA & MA, Guitarist, OCTX, IG austin_on_guitar